Walking on Cultural Eggshells

We have been taught repeatedly how communication is different in Ethiopia.  Americans tend to tell it like it is, very directly, while Ethiopians would rather just let you continue doing something incorrectly as to not embarrass or correct you.  For example, when making a request it is common for an Ethiopian to respond in English "It is possible," but what they really mean is the American "maybe, "aka "not likely."  This past week we learned the Amharic word that actually means "it is possible" and to humor ourselves the volunteers have begun liberally throwing it into conversations just as the Ethiopians do with the English equivalent.

So in order to not offend any of the Ethiopian, I try to avoid those possible conflicts and cultural faux pas.  In language class this week while learning to conjugate the verb "to pass" and "to hand" I realized just how carefully I was treading around my Ethiopian family.  I began thinking about those words and found myself  zoning out of class thinking, I would never ask anyone in my family here to pass me something at dinner or make a special request. For one, I usually eat alone before everyone else, so it is not like there is a big table full of plates to pass around.

In America if I was over at a friend's house for dinner, I would feel comfortable politely asking my host for, let's say, a glass of water. I would be confident in my ability to communicate my gratitude for the act, and I understand the culture enough to know that this is an appropriate request.  I am also aware that this request would take a minute at the most with just a turn of a handle.

Now let's look at this same situation at my average dinner in Ethiopia.  I could fumble through the verb conjugations for making the request for a glass of water, in which it is likely that I would call my sister a "he" and I would inevitably forget the word for "please."  In addition, asking for a glass of water unexpectedly here would require a lengthy process of heating the charcoal, collecting water from the outside faucet, and bringing the water to a boil.  Phew!  I already usually eat before everyone and feel like people are waiting on me, which is awkward enough without additional requests.

This was my whole thought process while in language class as an excuse for not learning the words for making such requests.  At the end of this mental exercise I realized how much I have been walking on cultural eggshells in Ethiopia.  I also realized that these excuses were just that, excuses.  I will inevitably step on toes here, and mispronounce just about every word I learn, but luckily Ferenji (foreigners) get quite the learning curve as long as you don't mind the Habesha (Ethiopians) chuckle along the way.  Will I ask for that glass of water at dinner tonight?  "It is possible."