The past month I’ve been out of Dangila on vacation and it’s been a whirlwind of activities. I’m now back “home” in Dangila, exhausted and a bit confused. I looked forward to this trip for so long that it’s hard to realize that it’s actually over. Now I only have two months left in Peace Corps. It’s amazing how time sneaks up on you like that.
Going back to America was a bit overwhelming but not quite like I expected. I think I expected reverse culture shock, change, and maybe a realization about how I’ve changed. Instead, what I found was home, almost exactly as I left it. My biggest fear in signing up for Peace Corps was that scary two-year commitment. I was signing up for two year away from everything I know and love, and signing away my first two years after university to something vastly different than I ever expected I’d be doing. Everyone dreams about the future, and for me I dreamed while in university that I would graduate, move to a new city, get a job, discover true independence, and grow up a bit. In theory, I did just that except where I am now is nothing like I dreamed. The main difference here is that I didn’t have my support system to lean on. Support came; I don’t deny that, but sometimes letters and emails once a month don’t compare to long phone conversations, warm hugs, and words of support from people that truly know what you’re going through.
As the day of my flight neared I began to worry that things would be different. I feared before I left two years ago that I would miss out on so many things back home, and that fear came back as I was returning. What if I missed too much? What if everything and everyone I know grew in different directions? What if the person I am today doesn’t fit so nicely back in that cozy little spot I left two years ago? But home was exactly as I remember it. Friends, family, neighbors and pets all greeted me with love. I’ve changed, although I’m still discovering how. And my friends also have changed, as I imagined. But we still all fit back together.
Two thoughts came into my mind quite often, and the friends that were with me know them, I’m sure, because I mentioned them often. First was, “Why are there so many choices?!” Choices come from freedom, I get that, but they are so overwhelming! Everywhere I went people were forcing me to make decisions and not easy ones. I think maybe if you have a routine you are used to making all your daily decisions and don’t need to think about them each day you make them, but for me it was all new again. Communion: wine, juice or community cup? Dog food: chicken, salmon, beef, or vegan (really?)? Movie theaters: 24 movie options?! And don’t even get me started on the bread aisle at the grocery store.
The other thought I couldn’t get out of my mind was, “How can this place even be on the same planet as Ethiopia?” It amazes me that in half a day on an airplane you can arrive in a place so vastly different than the place you’re in. And it doesn’t even take half a day in most cases. Earth seems so small sometimes, and yet problems on the other side seem so easy to ignore, until you’ve seen them and lived with them. You can’t un-live or un-see the type of things that I’ve seen here. After two years I almost became numb to the differences in lifestyles, but you cannot ignore those differences when you see both extremes on the same day. Traveling home after being in Ethiopia for this long allowed me to see both of these places, both of my homes, with new eyes. I’m so grateful for the things I know and the things I’ve learned. I pray that I don’t ever forget them, but I know already that I cannot.
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| At home with my family! |
Going back to America was a bit overwhelming but not quite like I expected. I think I expected reverse culture shock, change, and maybe a realization about how I’ve changed. Instead, what I found was home, almost exactly as I left it. My biggest fear in signing up for Peace Corps was that scary two-year commitment. I was signing up for two year away from everything I know and love, and signing away my first two years after university to something vastly different than I ever expected I’d be doing. Everyone dreams about the future, and for me I dreamed while in university that I would graduate, move to a new city, get a job, discover true independence, and grow up a bit. In theory, I did just that except where I am now is nothing like I dreamed. The main difference here is that I didn’t have my support system to lean on. Support came; I don’t deny that, but sometimes letters and emails once a month don’t compare to long phone conversations, warm hugs, and words of support from people that truly know what you’re going through.
As the day of my flight neared I began to worry that things would be different. I feared before I left two years ago that I would miss out on so many things back home, and that fear came back as I was returning. What if I missed too much? What if everything and everyone I know grew in different directions? What if the person I am today doesn’t fit so nicely back in that cozy little spot I left two years ago? But home was exactly as I remember it. Friends, family, neighbors and pets all greeted me with love. I’ve changed, although I’m still discovering how. And my friends also have changed, as I imagined. But we still all fit back together.
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| And Arbay settled nicely into her new home in America! |
Two thoughts came into my mind quite often, and the friends that were with me know them, I’m sure, because I mentioned them often. First was, “Why are there so many choices?!” Choices come from freedom, I get that, but they are so overwhelming! Everywhere I went people were forcing me to make decisions and not easy ones. I think maybe if you have a routine you are used to making all your daily decisions and don’t need to think about them each day you make them, but for me it was all new again. Communion: wine, juice or community cup? Dog food: chicken, salmon, beef, or vegan (really?)? Movie theaters: 24 movie options?! And don’t even get me started on the bread aisle at the grocery store.
The other thought I couldn’t get out of my mind was, “How can this place even be on the same planet as Ethiopia?” It amazes me that in half a day on an airplane you can arrive in a place so vastly different than the place you’re in. And it doesn’t even take half a day in most cases. Earth seems so small sometimes, and yet problems on the other side seem so easy to ignore, until you’ve seen them and lived with them. You can’t un-live or un-see the type of things that I’ve seen here. After two years I almost became numb to the differences in lifestyles, but you cannot ignore those differences when you see both extremes on the same day. Traveling home after being in Ethiopia for this long allowed me to see both of these places, both of my homes, with new eyes. I’m so grateful for the things I know and the things I’ve learned. I pray that I don’t ever forget them, but I know already that I cannot.
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2 comments:
Jennifer,
I don't remember how I stumbled upon your blog. I wanted to join the Peace Corps when I was younger but didn't have the courage.
I read recently that psychologists say having too many choices actually makes us unhappy, not happy. I decided to try painting again and went online to buy some watercolor paints. I could not believe all the choices I had to make.
As a dog lover I think it's great that you took Arbay back here.
Gayle
Thanks Gayle for reading my blog! I couldn't stop commenting about all the choices in America when I was home... my friends will attest! haha. And yes, I am so thankful Arbay is safe in America! My parents have new stories about her adjustment every day. I'll have to write about that soon.
Take care!
Jennifer
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